My new piece is up at:

Dylan Does Dallas (“Murder Most Foul”)

This is how it begins:

I.
Bob Dylan is the greatest artist of our lifetime.
II.
But Lee Harvey Oswald did it.
III.
Okay, my second proposition is debatable.

1. David Grann. “Killers of the Flower Moon.”
Selected from the “Free Books” shelves of the café. The beginning was informative. The remainder was… Bleh!
2. Bob Cherry. “Wilt.”
A swap for a “Cheesesteak” (with a “Best Ride” added). Fun trip to the past for a Philly guy of my age. Besides being an incomparable athlete, Wilt was such a nice guy, I could even forgive his vote for Nixon.
3. J.D. Salinger. “Franny & Zooey.”
Free Book Shelf #2. I figured God was signaling it was time for a re-read. Salinger really could do what Salinger did, but wonder what kids today (or of the last 40 years would make of him).
4. Thomas Pynchon. “Vineland.”
Recommended by a guy at the health club. Real good, esp. when I figured out what was going on (about 80% through) and started over from the beginning.
5. William T. Vollman. “Imperial.”
Recommended by a guy at the café. 1200 pp. and could have cut 400? 600? 800? But V. Knows what he wants to do and does it, torpedoes be damned.
6. Rachael Cusk. “Outline.”
Read a magazine article by her and decided to check out her fiction. Now that I know what she’s about, I can’t wait to check out the next two volumes in the trilogy, which Adele, who also becamed a fan, already has in the house.
7. Ed McClanahan. “Not Even Immortality Lasts Forever.”
Ed’s an on-line buddy and a fun writer with lots of killer-lines.
8. Emanuel Carrere, “97,196 Words.”
Bought it after a great review in the NYTBR. Some good pieces, but let’s be real. Either of the collections I have in progress is more interesting.
9. Masha Gessen. “The Man Without a Face.”
Free Book #3. I’ve liked listening to her on tv so… It makes me wonder if Trump, while less competent than Putin, could do as much evil if he had as few restraints on his impulses.
10. David Chelsea. “Everybody Gets It Wrong.”
A bonus for Patreon support. A series of 24-hour comix by a leading creator/theoretician.
Solid Surrealist stuff.

For new “friends, new readers, and old ones with hazy memories, here’s the deal. For nearly four years, most mornings, I sit in a café, selling my books. Then I report on the goings-on. As you can imagine, sheltering-in-place has snuffed that. But in response to public demand – well, one public anyway – I’m resuming the reports if not the selling. Consider it my contribution to Making America Great Again.

No sales.
In light of which, I applied for a small business “COVID-19 Economic Injury Disaster Loan.” Who could be a smaller business than me, I figured. Plus I seemed to qualify.
“Currently experiencing a temporary loss of revenue.” Check.
Less than 500 employees. You betcha.
Not engaged in illegal activities, under indictment or barred from federal contracts. Not a gambler or lobbyist. Check, check, check, check, and check.
If I got anything besides a visit from the FBI, I was coming out ahead.

In other news…
1.) I used my increased free time to finish two articles and a draft of a neither-this-not-that m.s.
2.) My most recent Royalty Statement from my most recent (non-self) publisher arrived. One print and one electronic copy of “Most Outrageous” sold. Three “Pirates/Mouse” e-books. My check broke into four figures. (Counting both-sides of-the-decimal-point.)
3.) Received an e-mail from a previously-unknown-to-me reader, impeccably Philly- connected, namely first-hand knowledge of Pat’s Steaks, Willie Reddish, and Ira Einhorn. Over- looking my “leftist rants and… Anti-Trump Screeds,” he wished Adele and me a “Happy and Healthy Pesach.”
Stay safe – and thanks for reading.
All books available from www.theboblevin.com. Skip stores and Amazon until my “distributor” stops screwing me.

Sold one “I Will Keep You Alive.”
The buyer was a fellow Mended Hearts Visitor. (MH, as some of you may know, is an organization for people who’ve had heart surgery, and Visitors are members who see post-surgery patients in hospitals to answer their questions or address their concerns as someone who’s been through it.) Since doctors have recommended that visiting be suspended for a while, this fellow, a 60-something financial adviser, has free time he can spend reading.
My doctor has also recommended I stop hanging out in cafes, so my reports of adventures may be suspended for a while as well. My friend Budd, a noted public health expert, has opined my shift in habits may allow me access to new and enriching experiences; but, so far that has been limited to catching up on the dozen recorded-but-unwatched episodes of “Better Call Saul” I have at my disposal.

In other news…
1.) I have learned of four indie cartoonist/self-publishers who’ve also been duped by “Bernie.” (See last week’s Adventure.) If anyone knows an investigative reporter looking for a story and an anonymous source…
2.) I repeat myself perhaps, but University of Kentucky Press has published J.T. Dockery’s graphic adaptation of Ed McClanahan’s “Juanita & the Frog Prince,” to which I have contributed a 3500-word introduction. If you don’t want to spring for the $25 cover price, ask your library to order it. “Looks great – and smells great,” Adele says.
3.) Among my FB birthday wishes came praise for IWKYA from (1) a noted East Bay lefty journalist (and basketball buddy) “Extraordinary”; and (2) a celebrated Big Apple musician/ composer “LOVED IT!!! LOVED IT!!!” (All exclamation points in the original.)

Sold an “I Will Keep You Alive” to an 80-ish poet at the health club, we have known for a couple decades. She had read “Cheesesteak,” and, I guess, wanted to catch up on Bob and Adele: The Golden Years.
Anyway, with her $15 in my pocket, the coronavirus has not impacted negatively upon my economy yet.

In other news…
1.) Faithful readers will recall that Spruce Hill Press (me) had the benefit of a distribution deal with Ingram/Consortium through a Bay Area guy (Let’s call him “Bernie” – as in “Madoff,” not “Sanders”) who bundled together several small, indie publishers to make a package big ernough for I/C to handle. This went well for a minute. Then Bernie stopped sending checks. His excuses had not quite reached “The dog ate my homework,” when he announced he was broke and Ingram was dropping him. So now I’m trying to figure out (a) how much Spruce Hill has been shorted; (b) how to keep Ingram from sending more of my money to Bernie; and( c) how to get my books still in the a=warehouse returned to me, not him.
2.) Remember how last week I got the nicest fan letter I ever received? Well this week I received the nastiest. (The first was about a collection of essays about transgressive cartoonists I’d published in 2005. The second was about an article about Frank Frazetta in 2011.)
“Bizarre,” she called it. “Disjointed,” “incohesive (sic),” “nearly unreadable,” “distorted,” “unskilled,” absurd,” the product of “a bad batch of peyote” or “LSD addled.” “It is readily apparent,” she concluded, “you have always been considered a bad joke, poor critic, and a lousy writer.”
It felt like the universe had felt the need to restore some balance. Did I hear someone say “yin” and “yang”?

No sales.
But some experiences.

1.) Publisher reports sale of French rights to an interview I conducted with underground cartoonist legend Clay Wilson (“The Comics Journal” No. 293). True, the interest is in Wilson, one of the great interviewees of my lifetime, not my prose, but it means it will now be available in its third language (following English and Italian); and 68.01 euros (my cut) ain’t chopped liver. I mean, pate fois de gras.
2.) An underground comix scholar who says we met, oh, what-must-have-been 15-years ago, asked if I had any information about “Junk Comics,” by a cartoonist whose name he believed to be Kevin Barthelme. I found my presumed expertise flattering, but I didn’t have a clue, and Don Donohue, my go-to-guy for info on the UGs, had passed in 2010.
I looked up the book in one of Don’s old catalogues. No issue number, so that must have been the only one. No information but the price: $3.50.
The value of, perhaps, the artistic output of a lifetime.
3.) A middle-aged (I think) artist from Chester County (I think), Pennsylvania, found a copy of “Outlaws, Rebels…” (Fanta. 2005) in an art book store in Harrisburg. She was only up to “‘Yes, Yes,’ She Panted,” when my “vigorous and unapologetic defense” of transgressive art, of which she herself is a creator, spoke to her so personally and affirmatively that she felt moved to write. “I have never read anything quite like what you have done…,” she said.
Sometimes, when I have written something good, I sit back and think, Wow! I have never read anything like that.
To hear someone else say it…

No sales.
But…
I.
Over a year ago, the café installed two shelves, each about seven-feet above floor level, which display books written by its customers. At the beginning of the week, Annie, one of the afternoon crowd, asked what mine – “something about NY” – was about. She was considering taking it down and reading it.
It had never occurred to me that people would think these books could be taken home and read over bean sprouts and lentils. Plus Annie was of a height where she would have to stand on a table to reach it. Plus of an age where standing on a table would not be recommended.
“It’s an existential sports novel,” I said. “For $5, you can have your very own, personally inscribed, first edition. ‘Superbly written’” said the “Times.”
“Oops,” she said. “I don’t read about sports.”
“Oops, yourself,” I said. “Would you believe it’s about life and death?”
No answer.
II.
The other morning, I caught a cute blonde eying my display.
“Wanna buy a book?” I said.
“I haf many book,” she said. “And only hef way through “Infinite Jest.”
“I can’t compete with David Foster Wallace,” I said. “You have excellent taste. Are you from Russia?”
“Ungary,” she said. “I am ungarian.”
Just like Zoltan Karpathy, I thought. “Every time I turn around/There he was that hairy hound. From Budapest./Never have I met a ruder pest.”
“I lif Oakland and fur now drife Ooober.”
I gave her my card.
She thanked me. And said he had great respect for authors.
III.
To keep from blending in with the decor, I alternate my J. T. Dockery sign with my S. Clay Wilson. I had that one up when a 60-something guy recognized The Checkered Demon.
“Not too many people remember Checks,” I said. “You a cartoonist?”
“Sometimes. I’m in construction.” He explained how, before sprayers came along, you applied something by hand – plaster maybe – and each guy had his own stroke, so you could walk onto a job and recognize who had done it. “That’s when I knew I was making art.”
“That’s what Duchamp said,” I said. “Anything is art if an artist says it is.”
“I like that,” he said. “Mainly I’m a plumber.”
“We can always use a plumber,” I said. “You got a card?”
He laughed. “On a construction site, you take out a card, somebody’ll say, ‘I’ll show you a card’ and grab a hunk of cardboard and write his name on it.”
I gave him mine. “Vista Print,” I said. “700 for $9.95.”
He took a 5″ X 8″ cards from me. And a pen.
When he came back, the card was folded in two. On the front was a guy in a baseball cap who looked like he might have been a pal of Tubby’s. Inside, it said, “Mr. Bob: Appreciate the Company. Edward S.”

Sold three (“Count ‘em! THREE!”) books.
First, a “Cheesesteak” went to a baseball-capped fellow (“You from Philadelphia?”), from West Chester State, out of Scranton, in town to visit a brother living in Petaluma. “I’ll read it on the plane back,” he said.
Then their Dad, who substitute school teaches, stopped by the table. One of his students self-published, so he was intrigued by my DIY approach. He went for the more age-appropriate “I Will Keep You Alive.”
A couple days later, a woman in her late 60s came over. She’d seen me before, and, it seemed, curiosity had got the better of her. She was a poet, lived in Benicia, an arty town to the north, and went for an IWKYA, less the cover price of her chap book she swapped me.
Then there was “Teddy,” who didn’t buy but was noteworthy. She had a half-inch-high brown Mohawk strip down the center of shaved head, adorned by various tattoos. I could not tell if her speech was garbled or nonsensical or French. When I complimented the flowing black garment, a purple Rorsharch Test-like design on the back, which she wore like a poncho, she told me she had found it. She was most interested in “The Schiz” but had no money.
“Maybe next time,” I said.

In other news…
1.) An editor has raised objection of my description of an Hispanic woman in a piece I submitted as objectionable “racial stereotyping.” This seems to be under negotiation.
2,) Another editor has explained he has maintained silence over for a year or two since itrs submission as having been occasioned by managerial upheaval and budgetary but assures me he loves the piece and hopes to run it.
3.) There has been less success with my “distribution” connection. Instead of responding to my inquiries with excuses, evasions, blame-shifting,pleas for understanding and patience, and – I hate to admit it – lies, he has withdrawn into a veritable Cone of Silence. The next step is on me.
Fuck.

“Guess who I sold a book to? Adele said, when she woke up.
“The Queen of England?” I said.
“Nope.”
“Living American female?”
“Nope.”
“Fictional Swedish Female?” We were into Season 3 of “Broen/Bron.”
“No.”
“I give up.”
“Bob Dylan. Want to know how?”
“Sure.”
I had to use all my charms. We were in this hotel gym, and he was checking out all the women. ‘How did you get to be you?’ he said. ‘In fact, how did all these people become who they are?’”
“‘I can’t speak for them,’ I said. ‘But if you want to know about me, you can buy this book my husband and I wrote.’”
“‘NYNGHUH,’ he said, making this Bob Dylan sound and face.
“‘Can I take that as a ‘”Yes”?’ I said.
“‘What does that mean?’
“‘It’s lawyer talk,’ his friend said. ‘You just bought a book.’
“‘I have to get it from my room,’” I said.”