A failed attempt at a Lydia Davis story

I am, like, ‘Change a lightbulb?’ ‘Where’s the Owner’s Manual?’ said the man. Everyone says their wife does everything. But my wife does everything. Saturday, I was playing with the kids, badminton, and they hit the, uh, bird on the roof and Timmy said, ‘Oh, now we have to wait for Mommy to come home.’ It wasn’t that he knew I wouldn’t climb on the roof but that asking was not even a consideration.