Not so long ago, I decided what I really needed was a summer weight leather jacket — for under $150. Well, if I had been willing to pay eight times that…

Since I wasn’t, I ended up pondering a black, lamb’s hide, short-sleeved shirt jacket at jamminleather.com, a South Carolina emporium devoted to satisfying all your inner outlaw biker’s sartorial needs.

The big problem was sizing. I am tall and thin and all my shirts and sweaters and jackets are Large, but, according to jammin’s chest-centric chart I barely qualified as Small. The customer service re=, considering my quandary, begrudgingly awarded me “Medium.”

I ordered it and “Large.” My wife took one look at me in each and snapped, “Send back the ‘Medium.'” Paying return postage myself, still left me under my ceiling.

I walked into the café, accented with a black straw cowboy hat, feeling slick and cool. The first thing Hap said was, “You look like a Donald Trump supporter.”